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August 13, 2006
Farts Like Gold: 38 - Punch
The office table was covered by two huge maps of the area printed in blue ink. Joe and Brendan had made notes about access on them in red. Both were creased and filthy. On top of these were photocopies of maps of five of the individual cutblocks. Joe and Brendan sat beside each other facing away from the party. They were copying information onto the maps about how many boxes of trees they planned to put in each block and where they planned to put the caches. The bottle of Scotch and two mugs were on the table in front of them.
Lucy sat down on the bench next to Brendan. "Wow, you guys really know how to party." She leaned forward and put one elbow on the table, resting her cheek on her fist. Her eyes glanced at the bottle of Scotch. "Any chance either of you boys might buy a girl a drink?"
"Help yourself," said Brendan. "I think we're pretty much done working for tonight." He looked over at Joe. Joe shrugged but kept copying numbers on to maps.
Lucy put a mug on the table and poured herself some Scotch. She held the bottle over one of the other mugs. Both Joe and Brendan nodded. Lucy splashed some Scotch into each of the mugs and put the cork back in the bottle.
Matt and Paul sat down on the other side of the office table. Paul had a large mixing bowl full of punch with him. He put it in the middle of the table. Matt took a mug, dipped in the punch and set it down in front of Brendan.
"Yo!" said Matt. "Oh great one. He that is all that is noble and righteous. We ask that you pass judgement on this drink."
Paul elbowed him in the side. "Beseech!" he shouted. "Not ask."
"Right," said Matt. "We beseech you to..."
"Try this drink," said Paul. "It's fan-fucking-tastic. Don't ask what's in it. Just trust us."
Matt looked at Paul. "He's got to know what's in it," said Matt. "Otherwise he won't understand the genius of it."
"We'll tell him afterward," replied Paul. He nudged the mug a little closer to Brendan. Some of it spilled on one of the maps. It was red in colour.
Brendan shook his head. "I don't know, fellahs. Lucy's just poured me some Scotch and Joe and I have got work to do. It would be inconvenient if I was blind and or puking."
"Well, what about that?" Matt indicated the bottle of Scotch. "That's just as poisonous as this is."
"More poisonous," said Paul. "Ours is diluted."
"What's in it?" asked Brendan.
Matt and Paul looked at each other. "Healthy stuff," said Paul.
"Fruit." said Matt. "Fruit and fruit juice."
"And some vegetables," said Paul.
"And booze," said Matt.
"But not many vegetables," said Paul. "We put in some beet juice as there seemed to be a certain reluctance regarding the consumption of cranberry juice and we thought camouflaging the colour might make people forget about the cranberry juice. Oh, and some carrots."
"But no potatoes," said Matt. "We discussed it but decided two root vegetables was enough."
"It's basically a smoothie," said Paul.
"But with booze added to it," said Matt. "So maybe more like a daiquiri than a smoothie." Paul nodded and grinned.
Lucy leaned across in front of Brendan and sniffed the concoction. Her hair brushed against his chin. "Smells all right," she said. "I think you should try it."
Brendan picked up the mug and smelled it himself. "Smells mostly like cranberry juice. What booze did you put in it?"
Matt counted them off on his fingers. "Rum, Vodka, Tequila, Rye, and a bit more Rum. Mostly rum, actually."
"And a little bit of beer," added Paul. "But that was by accident."
"Go on," said Lucy. "You know you want to."
"Why me?" asked Brendan.
"You are our leader," said Matt. "We made a vat of the stuff and you need to set an example so the rest of the crew will drink it."
"Thus, the beseeching," said Paul.
"It's for safety," said Matt. "If your worn out old system can take it, then the rest of us will be fine."
Brendan looked around. A number of planters were surrounding the table now. Kathy was one of them.
"I propose a toast," she said. She held her mug above her head. "To Brendan, the bravest foreman in the land."
Everyone near the table raised their mugs. Brendan reluctantly held aloft the cranberry, beet, and rum concoction. "To me," he said and knocked back the contents of the mug.
Everyone laughed and drank.
Brendan put the mug down on the table. He looked puzzled. "That may be the oddest drink I've ever had," he said.
"But damn tasty, don't you think?" said Paul.
"And safe, right?" said Matt.
Brendan stood up and surveyed the group surrounding the table. "I hereby declare the Matt and Paul beet, carrot, and rum drink to be safe for public consumption and not unpleasant tasting. Pour me another!"
The crowd cheered.
Matt and Paul jumped up. "Success!" said Paul. Matt refilled Brendan's mug and the two of them carried the improvised punch bowl into the heart of the party.
Brendan sat down and retrieved his mug of Scotch.
"How was it?" asked Lucy.
Brendan picked up the mug of punch and handed it to her. "Not bad. It's somehow sharp and mellow at the same time. Kind of like if you mixed a bowl of borscht with a pina colada. But I think I'll stick with Scotch."
Lucy sipped the punch. She put the mug down on the table. She turned her head sideways and peered at it on an angle. "It's definitely a little odd-tasting, but I think it could grow on me. It's exactly what a love potion would taste like if there was such a thing as a love potion."
Posted by YandaMan at August 13, 2006 11:42 PM
Category:
Farts Like Gold
, Fiction
