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August 31, 2008
Cycling from Cardiff to London (via Amsterdam) for the Kids
I am, once again, doing a mad cycle ride. This is the biggest one yet. I’ll be starting in Wales, cycling coast to coast across England, popping across the North Sea and then riding for another two days across Holland to reach Amsterdam. I plan to hang out there for a couple of days, take a deep breath (hopefully of air not too laden with THC), and then sprint pell-mell for London.
Did you notice the phrase “coast to coast” up there? This is not an exaggeration. We start in Cardiff on the Bristol Channel. This is so much the Western Coast of England that it’s actually in a completely different nation. Then we head East across the entire nation of England until we run out of land and smack into the North Sea. The plan is to do this section of the trip in just three days.
The only Canadian equivalent would be starting in Hyder, Alaska and cycling until you hit Halifax. So, in a way, it’s as if we were travelling 6,742km over three days! Assuming we didn’t have to stop to sleep or take pictures of enormous easter eggs, we would have to maintain an average speed of more than 187kilometers per hour in order to be able to accomplish this superhuman feat.
It doesn’t stop there, though. We then have to cross the North Sea. Keep in mind that no one has ever successfully accomplished this on a bicycle.
And then there is the Netherlands… This is a country that by all rights should be under the unrelenting suffocation of the sea. At any moment, the dykes could fail and we could all drown. Not to mention the threat from windmills, which are, effectively, gigantic cuisinarts. And the cheese! My God, People! The country is awash in cheese and tulips. To be honest, I’m not sure what the danger is here, but isn’t that the point? Who knows what dangers await in this land of curds and petals?
So, assuming I make it to Amsterdam, which, as we all know, is a city filled with dopers, prostitutes, and museums, I then have to find my way home. The plan is to take five days to get there at, as I have mathematically proven above, 187 kilometers per hour. However, the timetable to return gives us only two days. Again, using almost irrefutable mathematics, this would mean I would have to cycle at more than 280 kilometers per hour. To put this in perspective, this is the top speed of a BMW M5. Let's see Clarkson top that with any of his infernal combustioney toys.
Surely, all this means that you should take out your VISA card and donate a few quid at http://www.justgiving.com/ibcbikeride/.
You can also follow our progress and our preparations at http://www.ibcbikeride.co.uk/.
Posted by YandaMan at August 31, 2008 7:01 PM
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