The Chip Van that Hosted Jools Holland

It seems even crazy landlords have fathers. My crazy landlord has his in Portugal. His name is Johnny and he's a charming Scottish builder and one of the few supposedly English-speaking people I've met whom I can't understand.

I mean his accent, of course. His actions and motives are perfectly lucid to me. He recently moved to Portugal because it's warmer and cheaper and more relaxed. Very sensible, I think. He bought a boat to lounge around the high seas with. Also sensible. His wives and girlfriends have all been about ten years younger than himself. Well, I'm not sure if that's entirely sensible, but I can understand the motive at least.

I suspect the man does have some secrets though. For one thing, I only have the vaguest idea what he's talking about any time we have a conversation.

He came by the house to visit about a month ago. Despite the language barrier, I discovered that he and a friend had grand plans to buy a chip van to make some extra money during the tourist season. This also seems a plan that makes some sense.

However, we've just heard the news that somehow the chip van has turned into a bar and that Jools Holland will be performing in it in the near future.

Others believe that the business plan must have changed somewhat and the chip van was never purchased. I prefer to think they've just converted it. I have a lovely picture in my mind of a chip van alongside a Portugese beach someplace with a little awning rigged up shading a grand piano.

Jools steps down the little metal steps of the chip van and waves as he walks to the piano, sweltering in his black suit and turtleneck. A crowd of curious men and women with faded blue tattoos and crimson sunburns stand around dazed by the heat. Jools starts banging the old ivories. picture Johnny is visible through the counter window singing along as he works the deep fat fryer.

Anyway, it's always good to hear about someone's dream coming true, no matter how surreal and modest that dream is.