October 2003 Archives

Strawberry Pants in Berlin


(more pics)

I met a lovely young lady on the flight to Berlin. I didn't quite catch her name. It may have been Shonagh. She was about five and spoke German and English with guileless aplomb. She ate strawberries. After eating each strawberry she reached behind her seat and wiped her fingers on my knee. On two occasions she leapt up, spun around and offered me an only partially-eaten strawberry. I refused both times. Her response was to laugh, drop back into her seat, finish her strawberry and then wipe her fingers on my knee. Once all the strawberries were gone she leapt up and accosted me again.

She pointed at my knee and shrieked, "Du hast erdbeerhosen!" Then she disappeared beneath a fit of giggles.

And so I entered Berlin with a baptism of berries and a blessing from a child. Can't do much better than that really.

We stayed in the Alameda Hotel in the area between Kreusberg and the river. The hotel itself was on the top floor of a five story building. I have no idea what was on the other four floors. The hotel itself was clean and cheap and had bright, slightly funky paintings on the wall. They did a great breakfast: buns, cold-cuts, cheeses, slices of tomato with mozzarella and basil, smoked salmon, fresh fruit, etc. We had half of a huge curved window in our room with a view of a couple of giant smoke stacks.

Our nearest U-bahn station also housed a nightclub called SAGE. Every morning as we walked past it I vowed secretly that we would go there that night. Each night, though, I found myself exhausted and in bed before it opened. Most puzzling. I could have sworn I was twenty years old only last week.

But then, it was a fairly arduous four days. We did a lot of walking. I'm not used to that any more. I used to get paid to walk around a lot, and over far more treacherous terrain than the streets of Berlin. Now I get paid to sit. I'm damn good at sitting. You should see me sit. I'm one of the sporting marvels of our time when it comes to sitting. Sadly, the whole walking thing I'm a bit out of practice at.

Thursday we walked around Sans Souci in Potsdam. "Sans Souci", as you bilingual types will know, is French for "careless". It's called that because Frederick the Great scattered palaces all around it without a care in the world.

Friday was waiting-in-line day; Q-day, to use the British term. Waiting-in-line is a bit like walking, only slower. We waited for an hour and a half to get into the Reichstag. It has some great views and a cool double helix walkway, but FREAK! An hour and a half! I haven't waited that long for anythings since the Pepsi Max rollercoaster in Blackpool. That, by the way, was a grave disappointment. If you're keen to wait an hour and half for something, I'd pick the Reichstag over the Pepsi Max.

The wait wasn't too bad, though. We were waiting with Vicki's parents and her uncle and it was a bright fresh day. Damn cold actually, which I rather perversely enjoyed. I'd been having a touch of homesickness for the land of Beavers lately and so the biting sensation in my cheeks and the slurpy head I got once we made it inside gave me a rather sentimental feeling.

Saturday, we went to the Jewish Museum which was amazing. Some absolutely brilliant and very moving architecture architecture.

However, it's late and the Healer has stopped his singing and I'm terrified I won't do it justice so I won't say too much about it except that you should go. Go stand amongst the 49 slightly disorienting concrete towers crowned by willow trees. Very subtle. Very brilliant. And go in the big scary room with the one thin shaft of light at the top for a quick fix of hopelessness and despair. And don't forget to visit the room littered with hundreds of rusty iron metal faces discarded in an enormous, angular, cavernous tower. The building truly is a work of art, and a work of art you have to inhabit in order to get the full effect.

The architect, Daniel Libeskind, has won the commission to build a memorial and other buildings on the site of the destroyed World Trade Center in New York. It has got to be a mind-boggling challenge to come up with a design that will treat the recent history of that area with dignity but somehow bring it back to life. I think Libeskind may be up to the task.

Sunday we dipped into the Pergamon museum to check out some good old-fashioned European looting of the ancient world. Yes, the gates of Babylon are big. Yes, they are blue. Very impressive. We also did a fair amount of visiting the relatives that day and ate a huge pub lunch.

We spent a lot of time eating, actually. Not quite as much time as walking, but it was still up there as a top-ten activity. Oh, and drinking. We did some of that as well. There are some fine and funky bars in Kreusberg.

Oh, and we also spent a fair amount of time marvelling at how clean and easy to use and convenient the S and U Bahns were compared with the tube in London. And there's almost no litter. I think the Germans must secretly dump all their litter on the British. How can Berlin possibly be so clean when London is so dirty?

It's all relative, I suppose. I'm sure Ottawa or Victoria would shame Berlin litter-wise. And probably the Emerald City of Oz or possibly Olympus would make even Ottawa look untidy. And no doubt one of the inner circles of Hell has more kebab wrappers and broken beer bottles than Dalston, but I hope never to find out.

All in all, I approved of Berlin. It's definitely a city worth wearing your best erdbeerhosen for.

The Healer

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You may think I'm drunk, but I'm not. I'm just in a grand mood. So put those thoughts to one side and just lay back and enjoy the ride.

I just got back from a long weekend in Germany. Right now I'm monkeying with the pictures I took in preparation for posting them on the internet for the edification of you, my gentle reader.

The picture above, however, has been lurking on my camera since 9:40 am, the 26th of August, 2003 and has only a very slight connection with Germany; the man in the picture is of German extraction. He's a good friend of mine by the name of Russel and he and his delectable bride came to visit in August as part of their whirlwind honeymoon tour of Europe. Ah what fun they had! What gorgeous weather! The missed flights! The all night bus ride to Manchester! The five hour pause in Birmingham in the middle of the night! I wish I'd had a proper honeymoon.

I was MC at their wedding. I wore an orange shirt. I got people's names wrong.

The reason I named this entry "The Healer" was in tribute to the newly married Rusty. He hates blues music and I am currently listening to the "Healer" himself, Robert Lee Hooker. Hee! Hee! If he ever reads this, he'll be so mad! I'm such a cheeky little devil. I love me.

Went to a John Lee Hooker concert in Vancouver once. Something interesting happened there (aside from Mr. Hooker being absolutely mesmerising) but I can't remember what it is. I think I went with Ken who was also at Rusty's wedding and is a man who does love the blues. Me, I go through periods of craving. Like tonight.

Ken was my copilot on my epic blind date to Halifax in 1993. In brief, I had a thing for this particular young lady. She attempted to distract me with tales of her housemate in Halifax (the other side of Canada from where we were working). I entered into correspondence with the housemate. We hit it off, postally speaking. Then, at the end of the treeplanting season, I bought a 1976 Peugeot from a friend for $200, a bottle of wine, some bubblegum, and a package of condoms (size Large). And then Ken and I drove more than 3000 miles over the course of three weeks so that I could go on a date with my postal poopsie.

Sadly, however, upon our arrival, we discovered she was in a mental institution.

But enough of that. Getting off topic. Must focus. Back from Berlin. Posting photos. Mentioning Rusty and Heidi in passing. The Healer. John Lee Hooker...

I'm kicking myself for mentioning the Healer now. I'm a bit uncomfortable with some aspects of the blogging phenomenom. In particular, the desire some bloggers have to document what albums they're listening to, what books they're reading, what toilet paper they're using, what flavour of condoms they prefer. (I mean, who doesn't use flavoured condoms? Be honest!)

Anyway, here's a lovely picture of Heidi wearing St. Paul's as a hat. Berlin coming up shortly.


Far Side of the Moon

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Quick plug for a great play:

The Far Side of the Moon playing at the Barbican is fantastic!

I saw it last night. It's a one man show by Robert LePage, starring Yves Jacques. It's kind of about the Russian Space programme but not really. One of the things that impressed me most about it was the way that it did lots of cool stuff with the stage -- big sliding doors, an ironing board with multiple personalities, a giant rotating mirror, etc. But the magic thing about the cool stuff was that it contributed something to the overall show. It wasn't just there because it was cool. And, for the most part, it was used in an original way.

And the story was great and it was set in Quebec and I just thought it was keen and you should go see it.

Most everything I've seen at the Barbican lately has been amazing, now that I think about it. The Elephant Vanishes was a delight. Sacha Waltz was mesmerising. Woycek was brilliant.

Yay, Barbican!

Comfortable Underwear

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I always get homesick this time of year. Autumn has always been my favourite season. There isn't really much of an autumn worth mentioning here in England, but autumn is a noticeable and lovely season back in Canuckville.

The charming spouse and I did a spot of shoe shopping the weekend before last which made me reminisce even more for the great outdoors. She ended up buying her new shoes in an outdoorsy store and I was filled with consumer lust for all manner of cool outdoorsy things: four season tents, thermarests, high-tech hiking socks (ooh socks, I love good socks), just stuff.

Leathermans now come in all manner of bright colours! Did you know that? Is that Cool, or what!

And so I was thinking of the old bush life when I was at this dance show. Which may go some way to explaining the following dialogue.

VICKI: So, James, did you like the show?

JAMES: Absolutely. There's nothing better than watching a group of young women prance around in their underwear.

VICKI: Was it the underwear you liked or the dance?

JAMES: Oh, the underwear.

CHRIS: Yes, nothing better than ladies underwear. I'm wearing some right now.

JAMES: Me too.

CHRIS: I knew a guy when I was working in the bush that swore the most comfortable undergarments in the world were women's underpants worn backwards. Apparently they provide a great deal of room at the front and act as a kind of thong at the rear.

JAMES: Are you wearing yours backwards now then?

CHRIS: (PAUSE) Well, no. I lied about the ladies underwear thing, James. I'm actually wearing boxers.

JAMES: Oh... Right.

CHRIS: Of course, these days, with the fashion having turned to proper thongs, I suspect the comfort factor no longer holds backwards.

JAMES: Yes, a thong worn backwards might be a touch distracting.

And then the performance began again.

It's times like these that really make me miss the bush. There's nothing like some crisp clean air and being trapped in a camp in the middle of nowhere with a man in backwards facing panties to make you feel alive.

Dr. Bush

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A while ago, my tiniest boss asked if I had any pictures of myself back in my old life. And today, I ran across this lurking on my hard drive. I believe it was taken in 1992 at the airport in Fort Liard, Northwest Territories, Canada. I'm pretty sure we were on the way into the bush at the time to start a month-long treeplanting contract. I think the laurels were courtesy of a woman named Ursula. One of the fabled Wall Brothers used to rant about the loveliness of Ursula's belly at great length.

Damn, I was a groovy-looking dude! I may have to revive the 'tache.