July 2006 Archives

The truck showed up about an hour later. Franklin had set up some tarps in the bushes before we got there. Because of the rain, the driver had to keep the truck in the middle of the road. He stayed in the back of the van and handed boxes of trees down to Tony who passed them to me. I passed them to Franklin who arranged them under the tarp. My position required the least amount of manual dexterity but the most amount of wading through mud. The trucker had the best position out of the deal but that was to be expected. Tony continually marvelled that he was actually working in the rain. He kept a running commentary the whole time we worked. I only caught snippets of it whenever we met to exchange boxes.

"...just never really think about rain, you know?" he said and passed a box into my arms.

"...like I'm running in a swimming pool..." - another box.

"...if fish feel like this out of water..."

"...cotton underpants. Oh man! The chaffing is something..."

I just kept working and nodding like I was catching every word. Franklin whistled and grunted and swore but didn't really communicate. Once we unloaded all the trees, the trucker headed off. Tony and I helped Franklin finish arranging the boxes under the tarps. Then Franklin headed back the way we had come and we got back in the pumpkin and headed North.

The work and the cold made my hand throb. It was probably a good thing because it helped keep me awake. Whenever I felt myself drifting off I would just bang my hand on the steering wheel and it would wake me up. Tony still seemed cheerful, but he was definitely more subdued. He seemed endlessly fascinated by the road and the trees and the rain. Every time the truck slewed around in the mud he glanced over to me to see if I was falling asleep.

He perked up a bit when we got to Grande Praire.

"Is this where we stop for supplies?" he asked. "I was beginning to worry."

"If by supplies, you mean drive-through burgers, then this is it," I said. "Although, I suppose we could get some more cheese balls."

"Yay! Cheeseballs!" said Tony.

"But we're not stopping for long. I want to make it to camp tonight."

"Roger that. Burgers. Cheese balls. That's it. That's enough to make me happy. Oh, and can we have some terrible coffee? You can't have a road trip without bad coffee."

We got some burgers at a MacDonald's drive-through and then stopped at a truckstop for coffee and cheeseballs. Tony didn't think the MacDonad's coffee would be bad enough.

"I'm sure it will be terrible," he said. "But it won't be road-trip coffee. You can buy bad MacDonald's coffee anywhere. I want truckstop coffee."

Tony was fast, I'll say that for him. He randomly grabbed two armfuls of junk food and tossed them on the counter. He also bought travel mugs for each of us, which I have to admit I was touched by. I picked up a selection of glossy magazines and a newspaper and a couple of packages of drum tobacco.

We dumped our loot on the seat between us. Tony tied the tops of the shopping bags closed. This time it didn't bother me. I'm not really sure why it did in the first place. Maybe I just needed some road-trip coffee to mellow me out. Tony certainly seemed to be savouring his.

"I'm glad I bought these mugs," he said. "Less spillage. This truck is filthy enough as it is. Plus the mugs keep the heat in. Do they have cups in the camp? Do we need to supply our own dishes?"

"There will be dishes there. It's a good idea to have your own cup though. I don't know why, but we always seem to be short of cups. I guess people leave them lying around. Anyway, we'll only be there for one night."

"Too bad," said Tony. He sipped his coffee and looked out at the rain.

>> Farts Like Gold: 38

Okay, I've missed my self-imposed deadline for the first time re Farts. There's a decent excuse though.

I did charity ride with some folks from work including a bunch of young dudes and I foolishly tried to keep up with them and thus depleted all the sugar in my body including that needed for thinking, typing, or even staying awake.

On the plus side, I have finally posted all my photos from Vicki's birthday. I may add some more in the future that other people have taken. And I'm hopeful that ulybug will post hers soon as she has some great shots.

"I guess all this rain must be good news for the trees," said Tony.

"Good for the trees, not good for the boxes," said Franklin. "Got anything to eat?"

Tony slapped his forehead. "Damn! We did have some cheese balls. We were planning to save them. You know, in case the truck broke down or we hit a moose or something."

"Yeah," I said. "Tony was figuring on painting the truck with the dust."

Franklin just grunted.

"You know what I think it is?" said Tony. "I think it's boredom. We didn't really need to eat those crisps. Or at least I didn't. It would have been far more sensible to save them for when we were really hungry."

"Or hit that moose," I said.

"Exactly!"

"I don't really like cheese balls," said Franklin. "I do like moose jerky, though."

"No moose jerky," said Tony, "but we do have some epoxy. If you let it set for a bit it would be about the same consistency."

"And probably the same nutritional value," I added.

"Nonsense," said Franklin. "Jerky is good for you. It's meat, isn't it?"

"Well, I guess it's got to be better than cheese balls," I said.

"Moose has only dried up old dead animal in it," said Tony. "Cheese balls have cheese. Everyone knows cheese is good for you. And they've got something else as well. Can't remember what, though."

"Balls?" said Franklin.

"Exactly right," Tony said. "Cheese and balls - cheese balls. Balls must be good for you. They create life."

"This is all irrelevant," I said. "We don't have either. All we've got is epoxy. And why should it matter? We're not hungry anyway."

"I'm hungry," said Franklin.

"Well go kill something then," I said. "You can dry the meat out on the engine block and you'll have all the jerky you want."

>> Farts Like Gold: 37

It was about 5pm when we spotted Franklin's truck. The cheese balls were long since gone.

"We're here," I said. I pulled the pumpkin over. It hadn't been raining in Edmonton but it was bucketing down here. Franklin stepped out of his truck. He slammed the door, then ran over to the pumpkin. He opened the passenger door. Tony scooted over to the middle of the seat. Franklin was well over six feet tall and weighed about 250 pounds. He had a huge moustache with lambchop sideburns. Cassie once described him by saying he looked like a giant caught in the act of sneezing a ferret out of his nose.

"How's it going?" he said.

"Not bad," I said.

"My name's Tony," said Tony. "Kent asked me to help out. Well, actually Virginia did. Well, they both did. Nice to meet you."

"Feeling's mutual," said Franklin.

>> Farts Like Gold: 36