Farts Like Gold: 44 - the Three Deadly Sins

I yanked open the door of the cookbus and went inside. I held a plastic bag of goodies from the truckstop above my head with my left hand.

"I'm back!" I said. "And I come bearing gifts!"

Cassie, April, Kathy, Matt, and Paul were in the cookbus. They stood at the far end of the bus just past the stoves. Tony stood behind me.

Kathy was sitting on the freezer. She hopped onto the floor and ran up and gave me a hug. "Goddamnit, you smell good!" she said. She stepped back and looked over my shoulder.

"Hey! Fresh blood!" She reached around me to offer a handshake to Tony. "I'm Kathy," she said.

He shook her hand and stared at the bra she wore over her shirt. "I'm Tony," he said to her breasts.

I stepped around Kathy and joined the rest of the group. April kissed me on the cheek. "Welcome back," she said.

Cassie stood in front of me for a moment. She took one step forward and put her arms around me. She pressed her face into my neck and stayed there for a couple of beats. Then she stepped back, leaving her hands on my shoulders. "I'm just a wee bit drunk," she said carefully.

Matt and Paul thought this was hilarious. They whooped and started slamdancing off each other and off of the counters and ceiling of the bus. April looked at Cassie. Cassie leaned back against the counter and nodded to herself. "I'm drunk," she said.

April grabbed Paul. He stopped. "Chill," she said. "No dancing in the kitchen."

Matt crashed into Paul. Paul stumbled a bit. He turned around. "No dancing in the kitchen," he said.

"I NEED to dance," said Matt. He held his hands up apologetically and backed up, dancing towards the exit.

Paul turned back to April. "Logically, then, we need to leave the kitchen," he said.

Matt half-danced, half fell down the steps out of the bus into the dining tent. Paul followed. He stopped on the steps outside the bus and announced, "There will be no dancing in the kitchen tonight!"

The crowd in the dining tent cheered. I doubt that anyone could have made out what he actually said, but when you're in a party mood, it's easier to cheer an announcement than to stop and ask questions.

"You picked a good night to come back," said April. "How's your hand?"

I placed my plastic bags of goodies on the counter.

"Hey, yeah -- gifts," said Cassandra. "What did you bring me?"

Kathy shrieked. "Chocolate! I bet you've got chocolate!" She came skipping up to us. "Please, please, please can I have some?"

"Tony has the chocolate," I said. "I've got crappy magazines and tobacco."

"The three deadly sins," said Cassandra. "Chocolate, smokes, and the National Enquirer." She peered into the bag. "Still, three out of seven isn't bad. There are worse sins."

"How's your hand?" April asked again.

"Oh, right," I said. "Not bad. It's not a hundred percent, but I'm not totally useless." I gestured at the bags of goodies. "See, I can still shop."

Cassie pulled a magazine out of the bag. It was a Cosmopolitan. She stared at the cover. "Glossy," she said. "Glossy, glossy, glossy. The glossy girls get all the guys."

Tony started removing junk food from his bags. He placed each item carefully on the freezer. As each one was revealed, Kathy bounced up and down with excitement.

"I hadn't really thought of chocolate as sinful," said Tony. "Kent told me how the food here was so great and how good the cooks were. Are you girls all cooks?" he asked. "I hope you're not upset that I brought crappy junk food into camp. From what Kent said, I thought it would be a nice change."

"I'm not a cook," said Kathy. "I don't cook anything. I eat. I eat a lot. I especially like eating chocolate."

"Don't worry about it," said April. "Cassie and I are the cooks for the camp. I don't think she was serious about chocolate being a sin."

"Oh, right," I said. "This is Tony. Tony, this is April and Cassandra. And you've met Kathy."

"It is a rare pleasure to meet you both," said Tony. "I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to breakfast tomorrow. Not that I'm hungry right now or anything. I just hear your breakfasts are amazing. Will there be breakfast burritos tomorrow? Kent was telling me about breakfast burritos. They sound fantastic."

I put my hand on Tony's shoulder. "Listen," I said. "It's great to be back, but I think I might go join the party and see if I can find Lucy. Come on, Tony. I'll find you a drink."

Cassie put the magazine down. "We've got drinks here," she said. "I should have offered before. Beer or Bailey's?"

"Thanks, but I should really go say hi to everyone else. Why don't you come down with us?"

Cassandra picked up the magazine again. "Maybe later. I've got to catch up on my celebrity gossip."

April started putting Tony's junk food into bowls "I'll come with you," she said. "I spend enough time in this kitchen as it is."

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