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Farts Like Gold: 44 - the Three Deadly Sins
Farts Like Gold: 43 - bad roads
Farts Like Gold: 42 - hair
October 29, 2006
Farts Like Gold: 45 - No Lucy
We left Cassandra alone in the cookbus. We walked down the steps into the dining tent. Each of us carried at least one bowl of junk food. We were greeted like conquering heroes. Willing volunteers relieved of us of our bowls of goodies almost immediately. It felt good to be back in camp. It was great to see everyone again. Tony was agog.
"Does everyone dress like this every time you have a party?" he asked.
At least that's what I assumed he was asking me. It was pretty loud where we were, on the edge of the impromptu dance floor about 3 metres from the ghetto blaster.
"Gown plant!" I shouted.
"What?" he asked.
"Ask Kathy," I said. I tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at Tony. "Explain the clothes!" I said. She nodded and grabbed his arm. They made their way further into the tent away from the noise. I stepped back up on the steps to survey the crowd. I was keen to find Lucy. I couldn't spot her anywhere in the crowd. Paul brought me a mug of punch.
"It's got beetroot in it," he said.
"Cool! Have you seen Lucy?" I asked.
"Haven't seen her lately," he said. "I think she and Kathy and Brendan were going to read a book or something. Forget about her. Drink the punch."
I drank some of the punch. It wasn't bad. It had kind of a weird, earthy taste. Paul refilled my mug from a pitcher he carried. I wormed my way through the crowd. Everyone asked about my hand and how town was. If I'd seen any movies. If I'd brought any newspapers with me. No one could tell me where Lucy was.
Just because there's a party, doesn't mean everyone's in a partying mood. Some people had probably gone to bed. Lucy's wasn't the only face that seemed to be missing. Brendan and Joe weren't there either. I wasn't too surprised about Joe. He tended to be an early to bed kind of guy and there was a good chance he and Brendan had a full work schedule tomorrow. I was surprised Brendan wasn't up though. He was usually a big one for parties. Lucy, too, come to think of it. But then maybe she missed me more than I thought she would. Maybe she'd gone to bed.
I checked my tent first. She wasn't there. Then I checked her tent. Not there either. It looked like she was using her tent as kind of a crawl-in closet. There were clothes strewn all around inside it. It didn't look like she was sleeping there. My tent held both our thermarests and sleeping bags. No Lucy though.
I went back to the party. I peeked in the dry shack. Alistair and Cameron and Amber were in there. They were laughing and there was a heavy smell of dope in the air. No Lucy.
I caught up with Tony and Kathy in the dining tent. Tony was explaining his recent career change from office guy to rock and roller. "You have to understand, it's a completely different lifestyle," he told her. "Before, I had to be in the office by 9 every morning. I did the same thing every day. Now that I'm a musician, the work is much more eclectic. Earlier today I was unloading a truck in the rain. Who knows what I'll be doing tomorrow. It's a much more organic, artistic way of life. It's a bit like being in the circus."
Tony now had on the bra that Kathy had been wearing over top of her shirt. He had stuffed it with a pair of oranges. One had become lost somewhere along the way.
"Hey, Kathy," I said. "Do you have any idea what happened to Lucy? I can't seem to find her anywhere."
"No," she said. "Are you sure she didn't just go to bed?"
"Well, she was sleeping in my tent. She's not there now."
"Don't know, then. Sorry," she said.
"Paul mentioned something about a book," I said.
"Oh yeah! He made this killer punch. It had beetroot in it. So we got to talking about the book Jitterbug Perfume. It's got beetroot in it as well," Kathy looked down and scraped a dried clump of mud off of her skirt. "We were all going to read it together, but I got distracted or something. She's probably just reading the book somewhere. Maybe she's having a pajama party with Amber or Nicole. I wouldn't worry about it."
"Yeah, I guess you're right. She'll turn up. I should have let her know I was coming." I sat down on the bench beside Tony. "Listen, Tony," I said. "It looks like I've got some extra space in my tent. Rather than setting up your tent in the rain in the dark, do you want to bunk with me tonight?"
"Oh, Man!" he said. "That would be great. We can have our own little pajama party. Can Kathy sleep with us too?"
Kathy laughed. I shook my head. "I don't think so," I said. "The tent's not that big. If Lucy does show up tonight, it's going to be hard enough to explain you, never mind the ever-sexy Kathleen-jellybean."
Posted by YandaMan at 11:58 PM | Comments (1)
October 22, 2006
Farts Like Gold: 44 - the Three Deadly Sins
I yanked open the door of the cookbus and went inside. I held a plastic bag of goodies from the truckstop above my head with my left hand.
"I'm back!" I said. "And I come bearing gifts!"
Cassie, April, Kathy, Matt, and Paul were in the cookbus. They stood at the far end of the bus just past the stoves. Tony stood behind me.
Kathy was sitting on the freezer. She hopped onto the floor and ran up and gave me a hug. "Goddamnit, you smell good!" she said. She stepped back and looked over my shoulder.
"Hey! Fresh blood!" She reached around me to offer a handshake to Tony. "I'm Kathy," she said.
He shook her hand and stared at the bra she wore over her shirt. "I'm Tony," he said to her breasts.
I stepped around Kathy and joined the rest of the group. April kissed me on the cheek. "Welcome back," she said.
Cassie stood in front of me for a moment. She took one step forward and put her arms around me. She pressed her face into my neck and stayed there for a couple of beats. Then she stepped back, leaving her hands on my shoulders. "I'm just a wee bit drunk," she said carefully.
Matt and Paul thought this was hilarious. They whooped and started slamdancing off each other and off of the counters and ceiling of the bus. April looked at Cassie. Cassie leaned back against the counter and nodded to herself. "I'm drunk," she said.
April grabbed Paul. He stopped. "Chill," she said. "No dancing in the kitchen."
Matt crashed into Paul. Paul stumbled a bit. He turned around. "No dancing in the kitchen," he said.
"I NEED to dance," said Matt. He held his hands up apologetically and backed up, dancing towards the exit.
Paul turned back to April. "Logically, then, we need to leave the kitchen," he said.
Matt half-danced, half fell down the steps out of the bus into the dining tent. Paul followed. He stopped on the steps outside the bus and announced, "There will be no dancing in the kitchen tonight!"
The crowd in the dining tent cheered. I doubt that anyone could have made out what he actually said, but when you're in a party mood, it's easier to cheer an announcement than to stop and ask questions.
"You picked a good night to come back," said April. "How's your hand?"
I placed my plastic bags of goodies on the counter.
"Hey, yeah -- gifts," said Cassandra. "What did you bring me?"
Kathy shrieked. "Chocolate! I bet you've got chocolate!" She came skipping up to us. "Please, please, please can I have some?"
"Tony has the chocolate," I said. "I've got crappy magazines and tobacco."
"The three deadly sins," said Cassandra. "Chocolate, smokes, and the National Enquirer." She peered into the bag. "Still, three out of seven isn't bad. There are worse sins."
"How's your hand?" April asked again.
"Oh, right," I said. "Not bad. It's not a hundred percent, but I'm not totally useless." I gestured at the bags of goodies. "See, I can still shop."
Cassie pulled a magazine out of the bag. It was a Cosmopolitan. She stared at the cover. "Glossy," she said. "Glossy, glossy, glossy. The glossy girls get all the guys."
Tony started removing junk food from his bags. He placed each item carefully on the freezer. As each one was revealed, Kathy bounced up and down with excitement.
"I hadn't really thought of chocolate as sinful," said Tony. "Kent told me how the food here was so great and how good the cooks were. Are you girls all cooks?" he asked. "I hope you're not upset that I brought crappy junk food into camp. From what Kent said, I thought it would be a nice change."
"I'm not a cook," said Kathy. "I don't cook anything. I eat. I eat a lot. I especially like eating chocolate."
"Don't worry about it," said April. "Cassie and I are the cooks for the camp. I don't think she was serious about chocolate being a sin."
"Oh, right," I said. "This is Tony. Tony, this is April and Cassandra. And you've met Kathy."
"It is a rare pleasure to meet you both," said Tony. "I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to breakfast tomorrow. Not that I'm hungry right now or anything. I just hear your breakfasts are amazing. Will there be breakfast burritos tomorrow? Kent was telling me about breakfast burritos. They sound fantastic."
I put my hand on Tony's shoulder. "Listen," I said. "It's great to be back, but I think I might go join the party and see if I can find Lucy. Come on, Tony. I'll find you a drink."
Cassie put the magazine down. "We've got drinks here," she said. "I should have offered before. Beer or Bailey's?"
"Thanks, but I should really go say hi to everyone else. Why don't you come down with us?"
Cassandra picked up the magazine again. "Maybe later. I've got to catch up on my celebrity gossip."
April started putting Tony's junk food into bowls "I'll come with you," she said. "I spend enough time in this kitchen as it is."
Posted by YandaMan at 11:51 PM | Comments (1)
October 8, 2006
Farts Like Gold: 43 - bad roads
We'd been driving in a grey tunnel of rain and gravel and darkness for the last hour. The rain was so heavy it was almost like snow. I turned the high beams off. They lit up the rain and made it difficult to focus on anything else. The road was in terrible shape. It was hard to believe it was the same road I'd driven down just a few days ago. Even with the truck in four wheel drive, I had to keep it in the centre of the road so it wouldn't slide into the ditch.
Tony seemed to love it. "This rain is fantastic! Are you sure we're going the right way? When do we get there?"
Whenever it got really hairy, he jumped up and down in his seat. "We're driving sideways! Holy shit! Are you sure this thing has four wheel drive? How'd you keep it on the road? You can't see anything. Maybe we're not even on the road. There's a river in the middle of the road. I don't know much about engineering but that doesn't seem right. Shouldn't there be better drainage?"
I just kept going forward. I was pretty sure no one else was going to be crazy enough to be on this road tonight and there was no safe place to turn around anyway.
Tony was still bouncing in his seat when I turned on to the side road that took us towards camp. "Almost there," I said. "Maybe ten more miles."
"Fantastic!" said Tony.
The road curved down towards a creek. The truck started to slide again. I knew if I hit the brakes we would just go into the ditch so I gave it a little bit of gas and kept it turned into the skid. We slithered a long slow ess down and then up towards a one lane wooden bridge. I suddenly had a sick feeling that there wouldn't be a bridge there. The approach to the bridge was slightly lower than the bridge itself. You couldn't actually see the deck of the bridge until you were almost on it. But it was all right. The bridge was there.
We slithered onto it at a slight angle. "No worries," I said.
"Holy Shit!" said Tony. "Look at that!"
I was looking down the length of the bridge, the way that I wanted the truck to go. The truck itself was pointed slightly off to the side. This meant the headlights were also pointed off to the side, and this is where Tony was looking.
I glanced in the direction of the headlights. They shone on whitewater that was maybe a metre below the bridge. The creek was now a river. Fallen trees and brush were trapped against the bridge supports. As the truck straightened out, I gunned the engine.
"I can't believe how small this bridge is," said Tony. "Who would make a bridge this small for a river like that? It's madness."
We made it across the bridge. There was no point looking behind us. There was nothing but blackness back there.
A few minutes later we pulled into camp. The dining tent was lit up from within with a warm yellow glow. We could hear music and laughter even over the rain.
"Wow!" said Tony. "It's beautiful!"
I pulled the truck up beside the front of the cookbus. I honked the horn a couple of times. Tony and I grabbed the bags of loot from the convenience store. I got out of the truck and ran to the door of the cookbus. Tony followed.
Posted by YandaMan at 11:54 PM
October 1, 2006
Farts Like Gold: 42 - hair
Lucy stopped reading. She shuffled around and knelt up inside the tent. "I'm cold," she said.
Brendan watched as she yanked one side of the sleeping bag from beneath her knees. She lay down again -- this time a little closer so her legs touched his along their full length. She flung the sleeping bag over the two of them. Brendan pulled on it as she wriggled to free enough to cover the two of them.
Her left arm was now against his chest. She propped the book up on his right hand. She turned her head and rested her cheek on the open pages of the book. "Isn't that better," she said. Their faces were so close he could feel the her breath when she spoke.
"Well, I'm definitely not as cold," he said. "How about you?"
"Much warmer, thanks," she wriggled around in the sleeping bag so she was on her side. Her cheek stayed resting on the book that was propped up on Brendan's left hand. Her hands were now just below his chin. With his right hand he reached up and held both of Lucy's hands in his. She straightened her left index finger and traced a short slow line along the bottom of his jaw.
As her finger left his skin, Brendan tilted his head down to follow it. He pulled Lucy's hands up to his mouth and kissed the finger that had grazed his chin. He looked into her eyes for the first time since they entered the tent. He rolled forward and kissed her on the mouth.
It was a brief kiss, a careful kiss. Lucy smiled. She moved forward slightly and they kissed again. Their kisses became less brief and less careful. They paused once to close Kathy's book and toss it in a corner of the tent. And paused again to rearrange the sleeping bag and pillow and put out the light.
They were now completely intertwined. Limbs, lips and hair were all mixed up in the close confines of the sleeping bag. A strand of Lucy's hair found its way into Brendan's nose. It tickled him and he yanked his head back and sneezed. Lucy laughed.
He rolled onto his back. "That's it," he said. "From now on I'm only going to bed with bald women."
Posted by YandaMan at 11:49 PM