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November 26, 2006

Farts Like Gold: 48 - Cheeseballs and Scotch

"Cheese balls and scotch go surprisingly well together," said Cassie. "I wonder if there's a recipe there. Cheeseball and scotch pie, maybe. My aunt makes a chocolate and Guinness cake that is yum yum yummy. Best cake I ever had. I should really get the recipe off of her."

"Sounds like it should be a hit. Chocolate and booze. Aren't they two of the three deadly sins you mentioned?"

She shook her head. "Chocolate and cigarettes. Although, I guess technically they're not sins. They're vices. The sin is lusting after chocolate and cigarettes. Lust is a sin. Chocolate is a vice. Mix them up and you end up with lice." She sang this last part softly to herself.

"You are one enigmatic cook," I said.

She sat up and gave me a firm, disapproving look. "I think you'll find it's pronounced 'kook'," she said.

I laughed.

Cassandra smiled and settled back down against the seat.

The windows were beginning to steam up. I started the truck so I could turn on the heater.

Cassandra reached out and touched my arm. "Don't do that," she said.

"Aren't you cold?"

"I don't want to get too comfortable. I might fall asleep." she said. "And I like the quiet."

I switched the truck off and used my sleeve to wipe the condensation off the windshield in front of me. Then I leaned over and did the same for Cassie. I'm not sure why I bothered, really. There was nothing to see.

We sat there for a while without saying anything. I was tempted to stretch out an arm and try to get a bit closer to Cassie for warmth. But the bottle of whiskey in my lap reminded me I might be drunk. And the truck itself reminded me I would be leaving camp the next day. Instead I just told Cassie I was tired and was I was going to bed.

We got out of the truck and she walked with me to the dining tent.

"Good night, Kent. Sleep well. Don't let the bedbugs bite."

"You too." I held the flap of the tent open for her to walk through and made a final check to see if Lucy was there. She wasn't.

The concert in the dry shack had broken up but it was still a much quieter crowd than the one in the dining tent. Tony was teaching Kathy how to play something on his bass. Everyone else was sitting around the wood stove talking in twos and threes. No Lucy.

Back in my tent I suddenly felt exhausted. I fell asleep almost immediately.

Tony showed up a couple of hours later. I woke up when he undid the zipper on the door of the tent.

"Kent!" he whispered. "You awake? What a fantastic night! I mean, I've been to some pretty amazing parties, but never one like that. Everyone was so friendly. I think they really dug my bass playing. I taught Kathy some riffs. She's a fantastic girl, that Kathy."

I rolled over and put my hand on his shoulder to stop him from coming into the tent with his boots on. He shined the flashlight in my face. I squinted.

"Boots," I said. "Mud." I was still somewhat bleary-brained and incapable of full sentences.

"Oh right." Halfway into the tent, he dropped onto his belly and kicked his boots off while lying on his front. His flashlight shone on some of Lucy's clothes. "Hey!" he said. "You've got women's underpants in your tent. Are those for the gown plant?"

"A friend's," I said. "Get in. You're letting the mosquitos in."

"Right," he said. "Don't want to let the bedbugs bite."

Tony crawled into the tent and zipped the door closed. I drifted off as he nattered to himself and killed mosquitos.

I woke up around 8 the next morning. I put my clothes in a heap by the door and climbed carefully over Tony. I dressed outside, standing on the sides of Tony's boots until I got my own on.

It had stopped raining. There was even a hint of a blue sky to the west. A half a dozen early risers were in the dining tent. April and Joe were sitting by the wood stove. I poured myself a coffee and a bowl of cereal and joined them.

"How'd you sleep?" asked April.

"Not bad," I said. "You?"

"Pretty good, thanks."

That was about it for conversation. After I finished my coffee, Joe and I went outside to unload the truck. We yanked on the tarp in a few places to drain the water that had pooled on top of it. Then we folded the tarp up like a bedsheet on top of the quad. There were some other bits and bobs that Gord and Virginia had sent up with Tony and me. We unloaded these and put them away.

The quad was strapped down with a number of ratchet straps. After we undid these, we pulled the ramps out and leaned them against the tailgate. Brendan showed up as Joe was riding the quad off the truck.

"Hey," Brendan said. "I didn't expect to see you here this morning. Brought the quad up, did you?"

"Yes," I said. "Got into camp late last night."

"That's great. Really great," he said. "Must have been after I went to bed." He helped me slide the ramps back into the truck.

"How are you feeling?" I asked.

"Me," said Brendan. "Oh fine. Best hangover after a night off I've ever had."

"Maybe because you went to bed so early," I said.

"Yeah, that must be it," he said. He closed the tailgate of the truck. "So, what are you plans? Are you staying in camp for a few days?"

"No. We're leaving today. Gord wants the dead quad back as soon as possible. I'm sure I can stay and help out for a bit today if you need it."

"No, that's fine," said Brendan. "I'm sure we can round up some help if we need to. You're right. We should get the other quad back down to Gord. Who knows when some bonehead is going to wreck another one." He grinned awkwardly and stepped away from the truck.

I got in and backed the pumpkin up to the flatbed with the dead quad on it. Brendan guided me. Joe flipped down the tailgate when I was close. Then I nudged the two trucks together. I stayed in the truck while Brendan and Joe dragged the quad over into the pumpkin and strapped it down. When they were done, they jumped down and I drove forward to allow Joe to close the tailgate.

Tony was just putting his boots on when Lucy showed up at my tent. She gave a little shriek and stopped suddenly when she saw him.

"Hi there," said Tony.

"Hi," said Lucy. She was still wearing the dress from the night before.

"Looking for Kent?" he asked.

"No. I mean, yes. I mean, I just came to get some clothes."

"Ah, you must be Kent's friend. I'm Kent's friend, too," he said. "My name's Tony." He stood up and offered her his hand.

Lucy smiled and shook it. "Pleased to meet you." She stepped around him and swivelled into the tent. "Is Kent here?" she asked. "Do you know when he got into camp?" She pulled the jeans on under the dress while she talked.

"We got in last night. The party was in full swing. Were you at the party? That's a great dress, by the way. I can't believe I didn't notice you if you were wearing that dress."

"Well, it's the last anybody will see of this dress for a while," said Lucy. She wriggled around and began to pull it over her head. Tony was too surprised to turn away. "Where is he now?" she asked as she tossed the dress into the back of the tent.

"What? Who? Kent?" said Tony. "Don't know. He slept beside me but he wasn't here when I got up. That is, when I say he slept beside me -- I mean he slept beside me, if you know what I mean. I mean we didn't sleep together. We're not that kind of friends."

"I know what you mean." Lucy put on a tee shirt and a sweatshirt. "Kent and I are those kind of friends. Or at least we were. This is bad timing, that's what this is."

"What?"

"Nothing," she said. "Ready to go?" She asked. She held her hand out for Tony to help her up.

>> Farts Like Gold: 49

Posted by YandaMan at 10:33 PM | Comments (1)

November 19, 2006

Farts Like Gold: 47 - it won't bake a pie

Lucy wasn't in the dining tent. Neither was Tony. In general, it seemed that the party had thinned out quite a bit. There wasn't anyone there I felt like talking to. I pulled a bottle of Scotch out of my office box and used a drizzle of it to rinse out an abandoned mug. I took the bottle and the mug with me and stepped out into the night.

The dryshack was crowded but oddly quiet. About a dozen people were huddled around Tony who seemed to be playing something on his bass. It was an electric bass and he didn't have an amp. I couldn't hear anything from where I was just inside tent. Lucy wasn't in the crowd.

I moved forward to just behind the circle of people listening to Tony. I still couldn't hear much but at least I could see his fingers move. Somehow that helped fill in the music. Everyone was chilled out and focussed on the quiet, oddly tinny bass licks Tony played. I stood behind them for a while, but there wasn't anything even vaguely comfortable left to sit on and so I left.

It wasn't raining any more but the wind regularly knocked sprays of wetness off the trees that towered above the far side of the shack. I didn't want to go back to the dining tent and to go back to my own tent would be to admit defeat. I walked alongside the dining tent. It glowed yellow in the darkness. The truck that Tony and I had driven up in was parked beside the cookbus. I put my mug and the Scotch bottle on the hood of the truck and leaned against the bumper. I was far enough away from the dining tent and dryshack for it to be properly dark. I leaned back and looked up. I couldn't see any stars but I could make out the silhouette of the treetops against the moon-washed clouds.

The folding door of the cookbus creaked open. Cassandra stood on the bottom step. "You lurking around my kitchen, again?" she said.

"Just enjoying the break in the rain," I said.

She poked her head out the door of the bus and looked up. "Any stars, yet?" she asked.

"Not yet, but I live in hope."

Cassandra swung down into the mud outside the bus. She walked over and leaned against the truck beside me. She looked up at the sky. "Hope's a good thing to have sometimes but it won't bake a pie."

I thought about what she said for a minute. "That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever," I said.

"Yeah, well, mystery, thy name is me, I guess," she said. "It's freezing out here. Let's go back inside." She pushed herself off the truck and waited for me.

I didn't move. "I'm not really in a party mood," I said.

She stood there for a minute, then said, "Well, what about the truck, then?"

"Yeah, why not. Tony probably stashed some cheese balls behind the seat for an emergency."

I got in the driver's side. Cassandra got in the passenger side. I was right about the cheese balls. There was a bag behind the seat. Cassie leaned forward while I pulled the seat down and fished them out. We drank scotch from my mug and shared them.

>> Farts Like Gold: 48

Posted by YandaMan at 10:43 PM | Comments (2)

November 5, 2006

Farts Like Gold: 46 - awake

There was a lull in the rain. I took the opportunity to drag Tony away from the party. We went back to the truck. I untied the tarp and peeled it back. I grabbed my bag. Tony took one of his suitcases. He followed as I led the way to the tent. Tony put his suitcase on a patch of dry ground under my tarp. I unzipped the door of the tent and knelt just outside as I rearranged things to try to make some more room for us. I moved Lucy thermarest and mine a little further apart. Our two sleeping bags were zipped together to make one. I shoved these onto the far thermarest and asked Tony for his sleeping bag. He got fished it out of his suitcase and passed it over. He sat back down on the suitcase. I lay his bag out on Lucy's thermarest and arranged a couple of pillows for us.

"This tarp is great," said Tony. "Sure gives you a lot more space. Do you ever just sleep outside of the tent under the tarp?"

I swiveled around and sat inside the tent. "No," I said. I started taking off my boots.

"Why not?"

"It's warmer in the tent. And drier. And there are no bugs. That's the main reason, I guess. No mosquitoes. And you're less likely to get eaten by a bear." I scooted backwards into the tent. "Coming in?"

Tony stayed sitting on the suitcase. He ran his hand over his wet hair and wiped it on his jeans.

"I was thinking I might go back to the party," he said.

"Oh, yeah," I said. "Sure. Go ahead." I was sitting crosslegged just inside the tent. I rummaged around in one of the side pockets and found a flashlight. "Here take this. It'll help you find the tent again."

"Thanks," said Tony. "Why don't you come with me? Maybe your friend Lucy will show up."

"Thanks, but I think I'll just get an early night," I said. "I'm sure I'll see her tomorrow."

"All right," he said. "I promise I won't stay up to late." He turned the flashlight on and headed back towards the party.

The truth was that I wasn't sure I wanted to see Lucy tonight - at least not any more. On the drive up I had a mental image in my head of arriving at camp. She'd come running up, a smoke in one hand, and a beer in the other. She'd throw her arms around me and ask me about my hand. We'd talk and laugh and then we'd sneak off to my tent together. This same tent that I was now in alone.

It was probably no big deal but the fact that I couldn't find her weirded me out. I was half worried something bad had happened to her and half worried that she'd hooked up with somebody else. And maybe it was cowardice but I didn't want to be the one to find either of those things out. Plus, I knew that if she did turn up now, even if she had just been off talking to somebody and everything was all kosher and innocent, I'd still act like a basket case. And that would be fine if it was just the two of us alone, but in the middle of the party I'd feel like an idiot.

And besides, if she did come back to the party, somebody would tell her I was here and she'd know where to find me.

Why the Hell did I offer to let Tony sleep here? What if she does show up tonight? Really, it's far more likely she'd sleep in her own sleeping bag than she'd bunk down with a friend. I am such an idiot.

I lay in my sleeping bag for about an hour, trying not to think about where Lucy might be and trying to figure out what I'd do if both Tony and Lucy showed up tonight. I kept telling myself I was being an idiot and she was probably back at the party right now having a good time and I was lying here like a moody idiot.

I realised I might as well get up and check. I wasn't getting any sleep anyway and, after all, it was a party night. If she was there, then that might be weird. If she wasn't there, well, that might be weird too. But it was definitely weird that I was lying in my tent wide awake when there was a party going on.

>> Farts Like Gold: 47

Posted by YandaMan at 11:53 PM | Comments (1)