Yes, I know that cycling has a bit of a bad reputation at the moment. There have been one or two drugs scandals. There have been rumours of cycling teams sacrificing kittens to pagan gods and stealing sugary drinks from babies to give to their team leaders. All of this is reprehensible. But cycling can be a force for GOOD.
I implore you. Ignore the pros. Focus on the good in cycling. Focus on the amateurs, especially the paunchy middle-aged amateurs raising money for Children in Need. You can be assured that no one on the BBC2IBC team will be using performance-enhancing drugs. For one thing we’re just too old and uncool. I doubt any of us would be able to score even a hit of marijuana, never mind find a doctor willing to freeze our blood for a couple of weeks and then inject it back into our bodies.
In less than a month, myself and several of my colleagues will be undertaking a cycling challenge even more formidable than the Tour de France. Those drugged up skinny freaks started in London and then cycled to Paris. We will be starting in London and cycling to Amsterdam. Everyone knows that Paris is to the South and Amsterdam is to the North of London. A cursory glance at any map will show you that North is at the top of the map and South is at the bottom. By this logic, we will be cycling uphill all the way, while the “Pros” obviously just freewheeled their way down the map through the French countryside.
Not only that, but despite all their support infrastructure they managed to get lost and cycle around in a big circle. I mean, three weeks to get from London to Paris. They’re either lazy or incompetent. The distance from London to Amsterdam is actually eight miles further than the distance from London to Paris and we plan to complete our Tour in three DAYS, not three WEEKS.
So for this and many more reasons, you should support us be donating as much as you can afford to Children in Need.
We will, once again, be keeping everyone up to date on the website at
http://www.ibcbikeride.co.uk/
We’ll have gps-tracking, and photo and video updates from the road. It’s going to be brilliant!
To sponsor us, please go to
http://www.justgiving.com/bbc2ibc2007/
I give you my word that no kittens will be harmed during this event.