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September 5, 2008
Catching the Cheese
I went to France in the backseat of a 1966 Ford Mustang this summer. The Mustang, itself, isn't particularly relevant to this tale, but I just like mentioning it. It was a cool car. Chicks dug me when I was in that car. I'm not sure how they knew I was in it, being as I was in the back seat and all, but I'm sure they did. I could just sense it. I was dug.
France is, however, relevant to this tale. France contains wine, you see. And English ex-pats, trampolines, and cheese.
I may have drunk a little too much wine in France and I ended up having an argument about cheese with my host.
There is, as I am sure you know, a grand British tradition involving chasing a wheel of cheese down a hill in Gloucestershire. It is a very steep hill and many people are injured each year in this dubious sporting activity. It is so steep that my host, a certain Mr. Jordan, maintains that no one has ever caught the cheese.
He made this statement as we kicked soccer balls at a young boy bouncing on a trampoline. I considered his thesis, thought for a moment, and then carefully pointed out that he was a fool and had floppy hair besides.
He pointed out that I was Canadian and so obviously could know nothing about cheese and that my parents were quite possibly elk.
The debate continued along these lines for a bit until we each realized that the other's position was intractable. And so a wager was agreed – €20 each, to be held by a certain Mr. Hampson until we can agree an answer.
My central argument is that hills and cheese and people are all organic entities created either by random cosmic chance or by an obviously mentally unbalanced God. If that is the case, surely, in the last 60 years of cheese rolling, the cheese has got hung up on something or maybe rolled in a bit of an arc or smacked into a passing hedgehog. Any of these scenarios would have caused it to slow down enough to be grasped by one of the multitude of crazed Gloucestershirians flailing down the hill.
The problem for my opponent, of course, is that it is very difficult to prove a negative. How can he be certain no one will pop out of the woodwork with a video of someone catching the cheese.
There is also the question of what is meant by "catching" the cheese.
Mr. Hampson, alluded to above, contacted the Cheese-Rolling society of Gloucestershire to ask if anyone had caught the cheese and received the following reply…
Not to my knowledge. Although the cheese has on some occasions been 'rolled' badly (last year one was overtaken by runners at one point as it rolled flat rather than on its edge) it always picks up speed and gets to the bottom first.Runners are moving so fast and quite out of control, that they couldn't stop to pick it up if it got stuck anyway!
Actually catching it is really not a priority, just survival!!
"Not to my knowledge" is not very definitive. And anyway, he writes, "last year one was overtaken by runners at one point...". I would argue that "overtaken" is the same as "caught".
In any case, I'm putting a shout out to the multitude. Please come forward if you have ever caught the cheese. Video evidence is preferable, but I will be satisfied with hearsay or rumour.
If it is generally agreed that I have won the bet, I vow to donate the winnings to Children in Need at http://www.justgiving.com/ibcbikeride/. I hereby challenge the deeply misguided Mr. Jordan to be so generous.
Posted by YandaMan at 8:11 AM | Comments (0)