March 2009 Archives

Day Eight was my last day as a Mountie. It's been hard work, but I think I've made London just that tiny bit safer and brighter these last few days. If you agree, please donate a few pounds to Comic Relief.

Day Three was Red Nose Day. The clipboards reminded me of a time when I kept our home and native land free of drugs and weapons using nothing but a notebook. Well, to be honest, it would be a bit much to say I kept it entirely free of drugs and weapons. You don't have to be a Mountie to know that even in Canada there are illegal drugs and the odd firearm.

I was seconded to the BBC's live-blogging team, providing extra security for celebrities, celebrities' personal assistants, and the dogs of celebrities' personal assistants.

To show your support for my career as a member of the RCMP, please make a small donation to Comic Relief.

The total is now more than £700. At this rate, I will be wearing the red serge for the rest of my life. Actually, I may have to start seriously looking into some other Mountie uniform options. The serge is a bit warm when you're not out on the tundra. I've added the above video to http://www.myrednoseday.com/yanda. Don't let my potential discomfort dissuade you from doing the right thing.

So far, I've raised a little more than £400 for Comic Relief by offering to dress as a Mountie at work. Yesterday was the first day I donned the red serge. I have to admit, in the actual office, it was okay, but out on the wild streets of London, with my Mountie mindset on, some of the behaviour of the populace was a bit of a shock.

Anyway, I've started a video diary to spruce up http://www.myrednoseday.com/yanda

I was in a coffee queue the other day and I overheard someone describing their iPhone as "a fantastic toy but an absolutely crap phone."

The statement is a bit extreme. I mean the thing does work as a phone; it's got a few issues, but compared to any mobile from five years ago, it's great for the basic stuff. And, more importantly, the first part of that statement, that it is an absolutely brilliant toy, is completely true.

I've been particularly impressed with the various music apps that people have developed for it. Over the years, I've seen various pitches for similar apps for other devices, but very few have actually been developed and even fewer can be used to create anything resembling actual music.

But here we have some professional musicians actually producing music out of the things. All things considered, it's an impressive performance. I somehow doubt any of these gals have practiced anywhere near as much on these iPhone Apps as they have on their real instruments.

Admittedly, I ran across this because I know one of the ladies in the band, so I may not be entirely unbiased. In fact (subtle plug), I've used a pic of the two of us to promote a red nose day fundraising effort. Still, I think it's pretty remarkable performance.

I've tried a few of these apps myself, but, entirely due to certain genetic inadequacies passed on by my parents, I suck monkey-butt at anything musical. I think digi-drummer is my favourite because you can drum along to tunes as you listen to them.

The main problem, though, is that the iPhone just doesn't look very rock and roll. There's a reason the design of the Fender Stratocaster hasn't changed in more than fifty years. It's the right tool for the job. You can bounce around a stage with a fender strat and look and sound cool. Even the very cool and sexy Mentalists don't look particularly cool or sexy standing behind a table coaxing tunes out of their iPhones.

And there's got to be a certain visceral pleasure in banging an actual drum with a couple of wooden sticks. You just can't get that by gently tapping a six inch touch sensitive screen. Drumming is as much about the violence as it is about the music. There is no doubt in my mind that without drums as an outlet, Gene Krupa would have ended up a leading hordes of Mongolians across the steppes of Russia.

So we're back to argument that the iPhone is a fantastic toy, but a crap drum kit.

A couple of years ago, there was a Formal Friday at work that coincided with Red Nose Day. I rented a Mountie uniform for the occasion. Many people were amused by this and I have been asked several times since if I would ever wear it again. That year I managed to raise a small amount of money for Comic Relief by charging people to have their picture taken with me.

This year, I’m going to try to get the money in advance. I hereby make a sacred Canuck vow that for every £100 I raise, I will wear the uniform of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for one full day at work.

If the idea of a mountie wandering around the halls of Television Centre amuses you (or possibly just makes you feel more safe), please donate at http://www.myrednoseday.com/yanda.

The more you donate, the more days you will have a visible Canadian police presence (imitation only) keeping the employees of Britain’s broadcasting service safe from wolverines and mad trappers. There is a chance I may end up wearing the red serge for the rest of my working life if enough money is pledged. Even if I retire at 90, I figure it would only take a little more than one million pounds to mean I would never wear anything else in the office.

Comic Relief is a charity which encourages people to do something funny for money. The money in question goes to support long term charity projects. They do a lot of work on mental health in the UK and on combating malaria and AIDS in sub-Saharan Africa amongst other projects.